My kiddos.

Zippy

Liddy-Bean

Siley-boy

Kit-kat

These four provide me with stories, smiles, and memories.

These for have shared their troubles with me even when they would just babble.

These four have given me countless kisses and hugs.

Zippy will get worried if I am not at church.

Liddy-Bean will also voice her concern.

Siley-boy melts my heart with his little voice and his smooshed face smile.

Kit-kat has had my heart since she was a day old.

It’s easy to see I have a big soft spot for those Hines!

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Light as a…feather?

55 pound mark was hit this morning. Just a quick update. 😀

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My addiction. CONQUERED.

WARNING: FEMALE BODY FUNCTIONS ARE MENTIONED.

I don’t go into a great amount of detail but it is mentioned. Use your own judgement- Thank you.

This is a section of a paper I wrote for a class at school about my addiction to food.

 

The development of an addiction starts rather slowly. One allows themselves to indulge just a little bit until they allow no restraints on whatever they have choose to satisfy their ‘need’. Mine was food. You need food to live so I didn’t really have a nonuse period. It turned from a liking to a negative mindset. I have always loved food. I remember once hiding a few chocolate in my dresser drawer when I was still in elementary school and I remember eating them one right after the other.

When we would go out to eat I would always want more desert and would eat my meal quicker so I could have some. Then as soon as I got what I wanted I would quickly eat it up without a second thought. As I got older our family would go out to eat at the Chinese buffet quite frequently. At thirteen years old I would begin my ‘eating to excess’. I would have three plates of food and try to fit in desert.

I would get disappointed when I could feel my stomach stretching and hurting from all of the food I was cramming into my body. I knew it meant that I couldn’t hold much more. But it felt so good to eat and so good to taste everything. It was like a drug. Almost worse then a drug because one needs food to live.

When I got into my sophomore year of high school I remember being excited to eat. My parents weren’t around so they could not try to make me feel guilty by eating a lot. The school lunches didn’t help either. Even though they say it was balanced we did have a choice to not eat the food that was good for us. Plus I had access to candy machines.

I was excited for my new found freedom, until my clothes began to fit tighter. I assured myself that it was normal and that I would take care of the few extra pounds later.

HERE IS THE PART I WAS WARNING YOU ABOUT

I found out that taking that mindset is just as bad as being in denial. My monthly menstrual period began to skip to happening every other month. My mom told me that it was normal and that I should worry about it. When I found out that irregular periods were normal I continued to over eat.

Then for parts of my junior year to senior year I went ten months without having a menstrual cycle. At first I thought that my body was just being the imperfect body that I have. But about half way through I told my mom, who then again reassured me it was normal, every month after that I told her. At about the ten month part. She decided to call my doctor.

Throughout this ten month stretch I also had bad cramping in my legs at night. I recall waking up out of a dead sleep not knowing why my legs hurt so bad. So I just took pain killers to try to reduce everything. But they still persisted.

After my mom talked to my doctor she told me that I would have to go to the OB-GYN. She told me what tests they might have to do, I was extremely scared. I didn’t really link my woman problem to my extra bulk, so I could place my finger on the cause of it. This made me very worried. I began jumping to conclusions thinking that I would become barren and not conceive children. One of my life goals is to have a family so this was very heart-breaking for me. It had gotten so bad one time I remember seeing a baby and I would want to cry.

Eventually I made it to the OB-GYN. They had me answer a standard question are. “Are you sexually active?” “Do you smoke?” and so on. Then came the physical tests.

Without going into too much detail, I saw the equipment that they were going to use and began to shake and cry. My doctor understood completely and didn’t go through with it. Later on in the appointment she told me that my irregularity was due to my rapid weight gain.

For the next few years I would struggle to find my perfect weight. At my heaviest I was about 195 pounds. I dropped down to 180 and stayed there for a few months. Still unhappy with my body image. Still jiggling when I walk. My periods started to appear again but with more pain than I have ever experienced.

In August of 2008, I woke up feeling the queasy stomach ache I usually had. I proceeded to take a shower, because I heard that hot showers were good for those type of cramps. I looked at my face in the mirror and began to feel light headed. I got dressed as best I could, quickly told my mom I felt I was going to faint. She rushed me over to Covenant Express. I was in so much pain they had to give me a shot to make me calm down. My body was having trouble adjusting to the positive changes I was making with my eating habits.

At the beginning of college I was about 175. I continued to remain at that weight, still unhappy about the way I looked and felt. And ashamedly I’ll admit I was still struggling with over eating. By the end of my first year of college I was ready for a change. I took a walking class with a friend of mine who was ready for change in her life too. We became accountability partners and by September 2009 I was near 165.

Today I am an extremely smaller 150 pounds. How did I shed the extra pounds so fast? I finally realized what was holding my mind captive for so many years. Food. That was it. I had an addiction and didn’t even know it. I didn’t realize how much I thought about it on a regular basis. How much I could eat, when I could eat, and what I could consume. It was only about a month ago I had been released from this negative mindset.

Now I feel like I am not bound by food anymore. I don’t have trouble resisting temptation. I eat smaller portions, a variety of healthy food, and I am exercising with more vigor. Another way I could have avoided this addiction is by just listening to my body telling me that I am full. Since it does take our stomach about 20-30 minutes to tell our brain it is full, when I began to feel full was actually a sign that I had went over my limit.

I could have avoided years of health problems and emotional turmoil if I wouldhave come to grips with my addiction. Finding out sooner would have saved me the stress I felt when I was beating myself up over ruining my body.

I also give credit to God. He made me. He knows what my perfect weight is. He also knew I was struggling with making food an idol. I really had no idea how bad it was until one day I realized that I thought about food quite a bit more then I should have. I also ate way more then what I needed to survive.

God has been showing me that I do to constantly be full to be happy, and that I do not need to eat in access because He will provide enough food for me to eat the next time I need it.

Anything can become an addiction. Our job is to recognize that even though it may be pleasurable, like eating five different deserts in one sitting, it isn’t always the best for us.

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Yay!

Two more pounds! Just an update. 😛

 

God Bless!

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Hosanna in the highest!

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts. Lord let us be a generation that seeks, that seeks Your face, O God of Jacob! That is a song that has been in my head lately.

Have you ever witnessed something and just want to cry?

Does something make you so angry you could just weep over it? Has there been a stirring in your heart over the state of our world lately?

Sometimes the questions isn’t “Were you challenged?” The question should be “Were you changed?” Think about it. Are you a fan of Jesus or a follower?

Did you get ordained to entertain?

Or do you serve a higher authority then the pitiful opinions of your oppressors?

Are you set apart for Him or are you still clinging to something that you cannot take with you, but you want it do you whine and cry so you can have your lousy, non-productive way?

Do you base your salvation on a few questions you’ve answered “uh-huh” to or do you ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE SALVATION EVERYDAY?

Do you love your neighbor even when it hurts?

Are you free from bondage? Or do you still dance down the wide way to the rhythm of rusty chains?

*********************************************************************

Jesus didn’t come to make bad men good. He came to make dead men live! And if the only reason you repented was to keep out of Hell all you are is just a Levite serving for ten shekels and a shirt. That’s all. You are just trembling because your skin is about to be singed. You have no sense of your insult against deity.

I hate injustice and separation that we have in denominations. When does the Bible say that Catholoism, Lutheranism, Methodism, Calvinism, Non-denominationalisticism-WHATEVER, is the ONLY WAY. If you believe that there is only one denomination to God you are probably reading the wrong Bible. And if you would like to prove this statement wrong then start looking in your Bible and show me what denomination the saved sinners have to be in to get to see God. Last time I checked Jesus was the only way.

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Why am I so restless?

For some it looks like it comes so easy. For some it looks like everything shows up and falls into their lap. Why is everything moving so slow? Why am I so restless? God help me with the events in my life I cannot forsee, help me be patient while I wait for my life to move forward even more! Help me use this time in my life to glorify you before you send me on my way to do what I’m called to do.

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How it has changed.

So, now that I’m closing in on my first year of college. I think it went too fast. I made great friends. And changed. I don’t know if others would say I have changed, but I feel like I have.

I found out-

• the rewards of a servant’s heart
•  the rewards to actully studying
• how people actually love you for who you are
• not to date someone until you are ready for marriage
• not to compromise your convictions for anyone
• it’s okay to be single (I’m not ready for the responsibility for another)
• as the girl I need to be persued, not the other way around
• those who said that we would stay BFFs sometimes it doesn’t happen that way.

I’m just making a simple observation.

I’ve gotten closer to the women in my church and I think it is great how I’m considered “adult” now. Even though Zipporah calls me a big kid.

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And the Holy Voices sing…As I wander through this life…Be Thou Near To Me.

So it is safe to say that I am single and happy about it. I’m not ready to make adult decisions like that. I never thought that I would hear myself say that. I felt like I’ve always would get married and meet my future husband in college, or around that area of age. But now, I just don’t see it happening. The Lord has brought me to a place where I am comfortable with Him and only Him. And I like it. That might change tommorow, or the next day…or next week or next year or whatever. I have a feeling God wants to use me now that I am single to have more time for Him, and more time for Kingdom work!

Praise Be!

Dang Skippy!

 

1st Thessalonians 5:16-17

Philipians 3:8

Philipians 4:4-8

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Take my life and make it Your Lord. Fill me with Your LOVE!

ALL OF ME – SELAH

Holy Father, love me still
I have fallen from Your will
I am broken
Hear my humble cry
My cry
I have wandered for so long
Tired and weary on my own
In Your arms I know I’m home, O God
My God
Take my life and make it Yours, Lord
Fill me with Your love
You are all I need
I surrender all of me
Take my life and make it Yours, Lord
Fill me with Your love
You are all I need
I surrender
I surrender
I surrender all of me

 

-Don’t spend so much time thinking about how you mess up and your downfalls. Imagine giving them over to God one by one and seeing the end result that you will be with Him.

PRESS ON – SELAH

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall
When the choices are hard
When we’re battered and scarred
When we’ve spent our resources
When we’ve given our all
In Jesus’ name, we press on
In Jesus’ name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
In Jesus’ name, we press on
In Jesus’ name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

-We serve a God so much bigger than the trails of life!

 

Just a random words of encouragement.

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Busy weekend!

So, my Facebook Fast has been going pretty good. I feel more freedom and I actually have time for things!

Wendsday started my weekend somewhat.

 

We lost a dear saint from our congregation. Linda, had cancer for a very long time. She got to see Jesus Wendsday morning. She is free from her body and the pain that she was in. And from what I unerstand she was in terrible pain constantly. She never lost sight of the Lord, who she loves. She gets to spend Easter in Heaven.

I found out about her passing Wendsday afternoon, I left my phone at home on the charger by accident, but it was probably for my benefit because I don’t know how I would have acted if I found out at school.

Maundy Thursday was good. It was just a nice time of reflection.

On Good Friday, instead of a traditional service we held “The Stations of the Cross” is was a “self-leading” tour of the different stages leading up to the crucifixtion (SP?) of Jesus and the later events until He went back to Heaven.

 After that I went to Meijers and bought a couple new shirts and some STUFF (Hannah, would only get that haha.) for the Roy’s house. I made these strawberry thingies with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and a little cookie thing on top. They were very pretty. After we were finished eating we stuffed two totes of Easter Eggs for the next days Easter Egg Hunt.

 Jenni and Stephen were in town. Jenni is due in July (I’m 98% sure!) I got to feel the baby kick! I never felt a baby kick before. It was so cool.

Faith and I ended up going to her room and talking until about midnight when Stephen and Jenni had to go to bed. 

I managed to get this Saturday off (thanks to Lisa who covered my shift, God bless her!) Linda’s funeral was this morning. I thought my last memory of her would be of her telling me how pretty I was the last time I seen her before I died. But I seen her today before her service, the coffin (which was very pretty) was open. She was so pretty! Lance (who works at the funeral home) wouldn’t let anyone else do her make-up. He wanted her to look like Linda (bless his heart!). I thought that was very nice.

After the funeral I went back to the Harris’ house. Amanda cleaned out her car and the kids played.  Then we had the Easter Egg Hunt! I helped my friend Becky with two special needs boys, Frankie and Lawson. I had met Frankie before so I helped more with him. The boys really enjoyed themselves. 🙂

I’m trying to get o the tredmill more. The weight I lost over the summer I’m starting to gain back. 😦 *tear*. But I can do ANYTHING throught Christ who strengthens me! (Phil. 4:13) I need to get this extra weight off if I want to have a healthy life and future! Some of you might disagree with me on my weigh, but FYI I’m very good and hiding it 😉 haha.

But in seriousness here, for a portion of my Senior year of High School I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to have children. I thought I did this to myself, because I had stopped caring what I put in my mouth and gained weight and a rather fast clip, I was feeling rather guilty. Most of you know I love children and would like to have my own someday (after I get a husband,  hey, lets do things in the correct order here 😉  ). So if you hear me talking about this no I’m not going on a “self-image-hating” diet. I think it our responsibilty to care for the bodies that God has intrusted us with. 🙂

 

Happy Easter!

(hey, sidenote, can you comment or tell me if you read this? i want a head count:P)

There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever and not for better
Some are gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With people and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
But in my life, I loved them all
But of all these friends and loved ones
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and friends that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
But in my life I loved you more
Soon we’ll come to the end of life’s journey
And perhaps we’ll never meet anymore
Till we gather in heaven’s bright city
Far away on that beautiful shore
If we never meet again this side of heaven
As we struggle through this world and its strife
There’s another meeting place somewhere in heaven
By the beautiful river of life
Where the charming roses bloom forever
And separations come no more
If we never meet again this side of heaven
I will meet you on that beautiful shore

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