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Archive for the ‘College’ Category

Thank You.

Thank God for His Word without it I would be lost.

Thank God for friends without them I would be lonely with no accountability.

Thank God for Jesus without Him I would be living life for me.

Amanda came up with a possible reason to why my hip and back are hurting. Due to my weightloss I probably carry myself the way I used to when I was heavy. My body is used to having extra to carry!

Rock hopping in Narnia at Cedar Campus.

The water! We are close!

The bugs were really bad up there.

Not the greatest picture of my rock hopping, oh well.

I’m not too sure what we are doing in this picture.

Nikki and I. It must have been red shirt day.

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About my prayer request that I posted,

For awhile I had been considering a nice Christian college in Minnasota. I only told one other person. After looking at the website and information several times over for a couple months, I really liked what I saw. I liked the Children’s Ministry Course they had. 

I talked to my mom about it for the first time this weekend. After the usual questioning that a parent would have, we came down to this: Take the courses that I could at Delta, then transfer.

Tonight, I went over to the Schuitman’s house. Their friend Zach, who had started a school in Chicago, was visiting with his two children- Zayda and Daniel. Zayda, his daughter is 6 and she is a very good reader. Tonight I helped her read 1st Corinthians 13 (an awesome feat for someone her age, I thought.) and Matthew 5:3. She did a very good job. Zach said that he could see me being a teacher.

When I got home I told my mom what he said and as the conversation went on my mom said that we couldn’t afford the college in Minnesota, which is a private Christian College. I guess I have expensive taste. haha 😀

She suggested to me to get a teaching degree. I’m nervous about that because I would have to take humanistic psychcolgy classes.

READER DISCREATION ADVISED– I talk about my psych class I was enrolled in. If you want to read more skip the next paragraph.

I was enrolled in one for this semester, I read the book of what we would have to be learning. I honestly felt like I was reading porn. No joke, we had to learn about the physical changes that happened in the body while having sexual intercourse. Can you believe it? I felt disgusting and violated. Excuse me, but I DO NOT and WILL NOT WANT to learn about that stuff until AFTER I am married thankyouverymuch! Needless to say I dropped out.

Start here if you skipped the last paragraph-

For all of my life I was accustomed to comfort and having basically almost everything done for me. Which now I resent because I feel stupid and ill-prepared for the life ahead of me.

I was put into a class with the burn-outs and kids who were disrespectful. I was the quiet girl who didn’t really cause problems. But I sure watched them happen! We weren’t a very motivated bunch. Of course we were told to “do our best”. It didn’t have a very good influence on me. I finally gave up and did the bare minimum to just scrape by with C’s in order to graduate, and have the feeling that I was “ready to face the world” and that life was going to get easier.

Boy, was I wrong.

That was really what I thought! I was a silly little 17-year-old, who had no clue that two years later I would still be running into the same brick wall.

It is said “Some people pass with C’s” Well, I’m living proof. I made a high school career of it.

I wish I could go back in time (I doubt that the teen me would recognize the almost-20 me, because I am a feminist’s worst nightmare) and slap myself in the face for being such a dull idiot and not giving a care about my future. I thought that it would just come to me or that I would just take care of it later. Well, now it is later and I am not getting it.

Not that anything is perfect or fail-proof, but I think that way I was treated throughout school just gives me more evidence on why I should homeschool my future children, if God so blesses me.

Homeschooling is not COMPLETE ISOLATION like some would think. Most of my best friends are/were homeschoolers, in fact, most of my friends are/were homeschoolers.

I remember when my friend Cullen told me he was homeschooled. I was 15, he was 13. The idea was so foriegn to me. Who is the principal? Who teaches you? What materials do you use? People actually do that? That is legal?!? Do you get a diploma? What about important things (yeah right) like Prom and Marching Band?

Once I got those questions answered a couple of times, some by observing and some by people just telling me things, I came to really like the idea.

Sorry for the doom and gloom update. I know on most of my posts I just go from subject to subject! But this update was just about school stuff I guess. 

RECAP FOR THIS POST:

  1. If you are still in high school learn everything you can. It will help you majorly in the long run.
  2. Don’t be lazy, period.
  3. Sorry. I probably sound very critical in some of my blog posts about certian things. There are good things that happened to me while I was in high school. I did learn. The not-so-good just kind-of out weighs the bad right now. Mainly what I said above. This is my blog, and I am rather open about certian subjects. These are  my emotions, my thoughts, you all just get to see it. 😛

My jaw is hurting right now from trying to fight back tears earlier. But I am happy about something tonight: I got a few math problems right. 🙂

Me- “You know what!”

Mom- “What?”

Me- “I’m writing a book.”

Mom-” What’s it going to be about?”

Me-” A lot of things.”

 

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Dear Math,

For the past 11 years you have tormented me and caused me to have headaches. What gives? Is it because I enjoy writing more then solving equations? I’m sorry. But if I had to spend an afternoon with you versus doing my English homework, you know very well who I would pick!

Sorry, but we have just never gotten along. I am starting to think that we never will!

I just don’t understand you. You require me to be too precise. It’s just too difficult for me!

Do you think that we can just make peace for the next few semesters?

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In the Spring/Summer semester I was about 25 pounds heavier then I am now.

Chest- 4.3 inches lost

Bicep -2 inches lost

Waist – 4 inches lost

Hips – 4.7 inches lost

Thigh- 2.6 inches lost

This totals to to about 18 inches lost!

Thank you for your support.

Praise God.

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WARNING: FEMALE BODY FUNCTIONS ARE MENTIONED.

I don’t go into a great amount of detail but it is mentioned. Use your own judgement- Thank you.

This is a section of a paper I wrote for a class at school about my addiction to food.

 

The development of an addiction starts rather slowly. One allows themselves to indulge just a little bit until they allow no restraints on whatever they have choose to satisfy their ‘need’. Mine was food. You need food to live so I didn’t really have a nonuse period. It turned from a liking to a negative mindset. I have always loved food. I remember once hiding a few chocolate in my dresser drawer when I was still in elementary school and I remember eating them one right after the other.

When we would go out to eat I would always want more desert and would eat my meal quicker so I could have some. Then as soon as I got what I wanted I would quickly eat it up without a second thought. As I got older our family would go out to eat at the Chinese buffet quite frequently. At thirteen years old I would begin my ‘eating to excess’. I would have three plates of food and try to fit in desert.

I would get disappointed when I could feel my stomach stretching and hurting from all of the food I was cramming into my body. I knew it meant that I couldn’t hold much more. But it felt so good to eat and so good to taste everything. It was like a drug. Almost worse then a drug because one needs food to live.

When I got into my sophomore year of high school I remember being excited to eat. My parents weren’t around so they could not try to make me feel guilty by eating a lot. The school lunches didn’t help either. Even though they say it was balanced we did have a choice to not eat the food that was good for us. Plus I had access to candy machines.

I was excited for my new found freedom, until my clothes began to fit tighter. I assured myself that it was normal and that I would take care of the few extra pounds later.

HERE IS THE PART I WAS WARNING YOU ABOUT

I found out that taking that mindset is just as bad as being in denial. My monthly menstrual period began to skip to happening every other month. My mom told me that it was normal and that I should worry about it. When I found out that irregular periods were normal I continued to over eat.

Then for parts of my junior year to senior year I went ten months without having a menstrual cycle. At first I thought that my body was just being the imperfect body that I have. But about half way through I told my mom, who then again reassured me it was normal, every month after that I told her. At about the ten month part. She decided to call my doctor.

Throughout this ten month stretch I also had bad cramping in my legs at night. I recall waking up out of a dead sleep not knowing why my legs hurt so bad. So I just took pain killers to try to reduce everything. But they still persisted.

After my mom talked to my doctor she told me that I would have to go to the OB-GYN. She told me what tests they might have to do, I was extremely scared. I didn’t really link my woman problem to my extra bulk, so I could place my finger on the cause of it. This made me very worried. I began jumping to conclusions thinking that I would become barren and not conceive children. One of my life goals is to have a family so this was very heart-breaking for me. It had gotten so bad one time I remember seeing a baby and I would want to cry.

Eventually I made it to the OB-GYN. They had me answer a standard question are. “Are you sexually active?” “Do you smoke?” and so on. Then came the physical tests.

Without going into too much detail, I saw the equipment that they were going to use and began to shake and cry. My doctor understood completely and didn’t go through with it. Later on in the appointment she told me that my irregularity was due to my rapid weight gain.

For the next few years I would struggle to find my perfect weight. At my heaviest I was about 195 pounds. I dropped down to 180 and stayed there for a few months. Still unhappy with my body image. Still jiggling when I walk. My periods started to appear again but with more pain than I have ever experienced.

In August of 2008, I woke up feeling the queasy stomach ache I usually had. I proceeded to take a shower, because I heard that hot showers were good for those type of cramps. I looked at my face in the mirror and began to feel light headed. I got dressed as best I could, quickly told my mom I felt I was going to faint. She rushed me over to Covenant Express. I was in so much pain they had to give me a shot to make me calm down. My body was having trouble adjusting to the positive changes I was making with my eating habits.

At the beginning of college I was about 175. I continued to remain at that weight, still unhappy about the way I looked and felt. And ashamedly I’ll admit I was still struggling with over eating. By the end of my first year of college I was ready for a change. I took a walking class with a friend of mine who was ready for change in her life too. We became accountability partners and by September 2009 I was near 165.

Today I am an extremely smaller 150 pounds. How did I shed the extra pounds so fast? I finally realized what was holding my mind captive for so many years. Food. That was it. I had an addiction and didn’t even know it. I didn’t realize how much I thought about it on a regular basis. How much I could eat, when I could eat, and what I could consume. It was only about a month ago I had been released from this negative mindset.

Now I feel like I am not bound by food anymore. I don’t have trouble resisting temptation. I eat smaller portions, a variety of healthy food, and I am exercising with more vigor. Another way I could have avoided this addiction is by just listening to my body telling me that I am full. Since it does take our stomach about 20-30 minutes to tell our brain it is full, when I began to feel full was actually a sign that I had went over my limit.

I could have avoided years of health problems and emotional turmoil if I wouldhave come to grips with my addiction. Finding out sooner would have saved me the stress I felt when I was beating myself up over ruining my body.

I also give credit to God. He made me. He knows what my perfect weight is. He also knew I was struggling with making food an idol. I really had no idea how bad it was until one day I realized that I thought about food quite a bit more then I should have. I also ate way more then what I needed to survive.

God has been showing me that I do to constantly be full to be happy, and that I do not need to eat in access because He will provide enough food for me to eat the next time I need it.

Anything can become an addiction. Our job is to recognize that even though it may be pleasurable, like eating five different deserts in one sitting, it isn’t always the best for us.

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Happy New Year?

Hey it’s a new school year I took a little break from this. So once I get back into the routine of things I’ll be doing more posts. Thank you my lovely readers!

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Hey my lovely readers! Sorry it has been so long don’t give up on me! I’ve been rather busy. Some friends of mine are moving and already have moved away for college, so I have been spending time with them. And this past Thursday I had four wisdom teeth removed! So pain killers were messing with me and I didn’t feel like doing anything. No solids, and hardly any carbs diet has been making me depressed too! Another reason why carbs are good for you! 😛 I am feeling a little bit better but I still can’t drive myself anywhere while taking the medication. When life gets back into full swing I will post more!

 

Blessings to everyone and to your families also! ❤

 

L.Mae

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