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Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

The Enemy says, The Father says

The enemy wants to destroy God’s children. he certainly can play tricks with the mind. And I can stupidly fall for them. But- Every bad thing that can happen He turns it into some thing beautiful

When he says “Look, you have no friends. Nobody cares for your company. Look at everyone around you. They do things with each other but not you. Nobody really likes you”

When he says “You are alone.”

When he says “You deserve every bad thing that comes your way.”

When he says “You will never amount to anything of importance, you are to remain in mediocrity.”

When he says “You are a failure, you might as well just stop trying.”

When he says “You are nothing. You have no value.”

When he says “You deserve to be unappreciated, you are no better than a piece of furniture.”

When he says “Nobody loves you.”

I have come to the conclusion that I can change a lot about my life just by the way I choose to react to things. When the Adversary says things, or other people say things, or even when I say things to myself, I have a choice of how I will react to them. I can remain hurt and carry it with me. While I want to live the good and healthy life that my Father in Heaven wants me to, it can become like trying to tread water while hanging onto a cinderblock. Mentally worn out I eventually give up and allow myself to sink into depression. This ends up hurting more than just myself. By keeping it I think I can come up with a solution, why trust anyone else with these problems?

“You do have friends and family, there are people that love you, there are people who like your company, it’s not important to be loved by everyone. The important thing is that you are loved by Me. I will spend time with you no matter what. You are not alone. You don’t deserve every bad thing that happens in your life. Those bad things are a result of sin. But don’t worry, one day you will be with me in a place where there is no sin. You are important. If you remain in My Will you will become extraordinary. You are not a failure, keep trying with My help, please. But remember that you can do nothing apart from Me. I value you. You are not nothing. I do not make trash. I love you.”

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Wow! The summer is going by so quickly. 🙂 It is the middle of July already!

This past week was spent with Aaron and his family. Each morning consisted of me being one of the last people to wake up, get a shower and one of the last ones to breakfast. Instant Coffee people! Mrs. Cook saved my mornings. I am rather slower at waking up then the rest of the Cooks. I sure hope I wasn’t too unpleasent to them.  I have a feeling that they are going to have fun with my slowness in the morning.

If they don’t tease me about Aaron I guess they will tease me about that!

So, the reason why I have refrained writing a lot about Aaron in my blog is because poor Aaron is surrounded at his house! His sister Amy’s blog post began with the sentence, “Aaron is going crazy.” Then it went on to explain about how he talks on his bluetooth to me while working.

Seriously, he is surrounded. Try getting away with saying “I was thinking about you the other day…” with a fourteen-year-old brother around!

While I was giving him a hug to make him feel a little bit better about the teasing I realized that probably wasn’t the wisest thing to do because Brian, Logan, Libby, Betsy and Naomi all huddled around each other each saying different “Aawww, let’s get close!” type of sentences.

 Me at my house, I don’t get teased. I just don’t. So it is only fair then. 🙂

Oh, the things I could write! I know I am supplying ample amount of ammo against my poor boyfriend right now, and that it is unavoidable when you have seven other siblings around you, but I think he will forgive me when I say that we love each other.

We do, we really do. For a long time. Before we were courting I had struggled with the strong feelings I had for him because I didn’t want to get too attached to him. I was unsure if his feelings were the same and  I didn’t want to make those feelings into an idol. He was dropping major (and minor) hints towards me the whole time since the accident, basically since he came home from the hospital. He was even dropping hints when I was washing blood out of his hair!

I shrugged some of them off because I wasn’t sure what he was trying to get at. Was he interested in just having conversation with me? Or was he genuinly curious in something more?

Now, I point out to him things that he said to me, “You said this, you sat next to me at the table, you asked me this question…” His response is “Yeah?” or “Should I not have?” He finds it funny, I love it! (Note to siblings: Yeah, your sides must be hurting from laughter right now! hahaha).

What is one more (maybe 10 more) of a blessing to me is his family! I love them! I can talk and relate with any of them. I am getting more and more blessings that I don’t deserve. I’m getting all I have prayed for and wanted and more! God is so good to me! It is indescribable, I can’t find words to explain it. I love my life!

I told Aaron at different times that at this time last year, I had no idea. If you would have told me, I would have had a hard time believing you.

If you would have told me that I would have a  godly man who loves me inspite of my imperfections, who I can ask anything, say anything, truly be myself,  someone who is secure, who can be content, someone who is hardworking, someone who has vision, someone who I can trust in 100 %, someone who loves God and is following hard after Him and who won’t settle for anything less, I would have been happy that you would have been so kind to inform me but I would have had a hard time believing you.

But I am so richly blessed.

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That’s how I feel my emotions have been going this past weeek. Yesterday was an up day of course! I got to see my Cooks before I leave. 🙂

My blog is going on a little rest for a week. I am going up with the InterVarsity group from my college. We are going up for Chapter Focus Week. I am doing an evangelism track. So, hope it all goes well. Pray for me! 🙂
Love does not boast
Love after all
Matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep
Locked inside
Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you
Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease
At the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes
When you don’t
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you
When my heart won’t make a sound
When I can’t turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this
Greater than this
Love is right here
Love is alive
Love is the way
The truth the life
Love is the river than flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you

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This is a random happy thought that came into my mind while I was working on a skirt tonight.

1st Corinthians 11 says that woman was made for man. So by me being a woman, I was created for my future husband. I was made for someone. Call me easily amused but I think that is pretty exciting. My faults, my attitude, my emotions, my mannerisms are all a part of who I am. And God made it and called it beautiful. And best of all He called it His.

And whoever He has for me is just going to love me and that will just be the way it is because that is the way God made us.

Does anybody else think that it is lovely the way God does things or what?

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Life is an amazing thing. The Hand of God is what holds us. It is interesting how terrible things can draw people together, and it is love that ties us altogether. I don’t want to go back to everyday life tomorrow. But, sadly, I have to. Who knew how much you can miss friends and they haven’t even moved away. They are just in a different spot.

Love is a place you will fly to/ Love never fails you

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You heard “Lauren-Mae! Lauren-Mae” “Low-in-may! Low-in-may!”

Followed by nonrhythmic knocks from DooterBear and Noah Man, while Alli-Gracey-Goose pressed her face against the window.

“I can hear you good.” She said.

The knocking had stopped, Anna and Noah pressed their faces up against the window.

Upon entering you would see

Noah Andrew

sliding across the kitchen floor on a stool from his sister’s room.

Allison Grace took me by the hand to show me her room. The position of the bed below the loft had changed

Anna Faith climbed up to the loft,

proceded to tie her bear up by the neck with a scarf,

then she threw him over the side. 

And this was on the beginning of the night.

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My dear readers,

A friend is someone who knows your imperfections and limitations and loves you in spite of them. It took me a longtime to comprehend this. But this realization has been developing for awhile, along with some major hints from some of my friends (you know who you are. :P) Last week it came to me as I was in my car changing my shoes for my exercise class (of all times for someone to have an epiphany…). I DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT! I think being in a whole new world (haha) has a lot to do with this. I’m in a new setting, (believe it or not the world does not revolve around Western High School) with a new group of friends, and I can choose to not be near people who dislike who I am, and I’m sorry that most of my classmates ( just a side note MOST not ALL) in high shool felt that way.

I regret and apologize for the smallest incidents. I was like this for most of my life but from my 6th grade-8th grade year of school was when others used it as a remote control on me.

In those days I had to be perfect or else I would be ignored for a couple days. This was verbal and psychological abuse in my book no matter what way you slice it. I was lured and trapped into this cookie-cutter version of myself, and sometimes I reduce back into that mindset because I was used to it for so long. I had to feel the same way they did about everything. I felt I wasn’t allowed any variety in my life. Walking on eggshells, pins and needles for three years I don’t know how I survived.

When they would get mad at me for something I did or didn’t do, they refused to tell me what had made them so angry with me. During this I was unable to sleep or eat for days until they finally started treating my normal again. This happened to me multiple times. In saying that I understand that I could have opened a door to abusive romantic relations, which by the grace of God I never had the opportunity to get involved with…mostly…but that is a whole new can of worms…

I over analyzed everything I did to make sure that I didn’t offend anyone in the group of people I hung out with and if I thought it would bring chaos or disagreement to their balance I would remain silent no to matter how much it harmed my well-being. Constantly trying please them by listening to their problems but keeping my mouth shut about mine, because their issues were bigger then mine. I never stood up for myself thinking that it was selfish to do so.

Even when I was a child I was indirectly taught that confrontation was bad. As soon as it started it would get beaten down and there would no longer be conflict or it would be solved for me. I didn’t learn how to deal with conflict in my younger years, so naturally, I have a fear of it. But you know, I’m working on that too.

“This way-that way-not that way-we have to do what I want-not that way-that’s stupid-I hate that.” Is not a true friend. The Bible says friends are loyal and help YOU when YOU need it and hopefully you would do the same (Proverbs 17:17) because you love eachother. In Ecclesiastes, it describes two friends as helping and living for the other, helping the other up when they have fallen. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). Philippians says that we all need to love one another and work together with one mind and purpose. Not to be selfish, not trying to impress others. This calls for humbleness and thinking others as better then yourself, and taking interests in others. (Philippians 2:2-4).

Now do I despise those who treated me so badly? At first, yes. But now, of course not. I’m not calling out any one person. I’m not trying to bring on a guilt trip. I’m not trying to dig up old issues that have been dead and buried since the begining of ninth grade. So don’t feel like you are being attacked, I just feel that God is leading me to write this so others can see where I am coming from.

I’m blessed with friends that I don’t deserve but God is funny like that. He puts us right where He wants us with the people who will love us unconditionally.

To all who are reading this I love you. Thank you for loving me in spite of my imperfections and limitations.

Your friend,
Lauren Mae Spiker

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