My “Dreaming of Eden” coming to Life.

I have been very, very busy! Gardening, taking care of my house, running hither and yon!

Here are some updates

• My house has been emptied of all seedlings and starts! It is open and fresh looking.
• I have been making a big pile of stuff to put into a garage sale.
• My garden is growing well! Peas, several varieties of beans, cabbages, onion, potatoes, cucumbers, garlic, squash etc, grow and grow!
• My herb and flower gardens are doing well, but they have been kind of neglected to due the pace of life at the moment, so once everything is steady in my vegetable garden I will be tackling the herb and flower areas.
• Our lawn mower is broken so our yard is a JUNGLE!
• Alley’s kittens trust people now and they run up to you when they hear you coming.
• Today I purchased hyssop, valerian, basil, cilantro, goldenseal and ginseng. The last two were found growing in West Virginia and Michigan. I didn’t even know the ginseng could grow in our climate I thought it needed more of a tropical climate!  Whew, I was so excited! They only sell two a year! What a deal!
• My clothesline is being well used, I love seeing the shirts and sheets flap in the breeze.
• I now think of home as the little house Aaron and I have, not my parents house over in Bay City.
• Soon I will be putting foodstuffs up. I froze some rhubarb sauce a few weeks ago, next is asparagus.

There are so many wishes that are coming true in my little house and half acre. Aaron and I are growing closer and closer still, I have an ever growing confidence in myself.

Over the past few weeks I have come to terms with attributes I have. I take a no-frills, function over fashion attempt to most things, with a few exceptions.  Aaron is the same way. We aren’t cheap though, we like good quality items. Good investments. That are well made, do their job, and are built to last. Whether it’s a major appliance, pretty vase, bathroom fan, piece of farm equipment, tools, or lacy doily. We appreciate nice things but our stuff doesn’t necessarily NEED to match. Pillowcases don’t match the quilt or sheets. The towels in the bathroom don’t match the decor. I like color and variety. Our living room furniture clashes very badly, but they are comfy! I don’t like couch overs, I don’t like the way they look so I don’t use them. I like how we are, and I don’t want anyone looking down on me or feeling sorry for me.

I said to Aaron last night, “We probably won’t ever have 100% matching stuff.” He replied, “Nope.”

I don’t see it as a weakness or social downfall, I see it almost as a strength, though it is nice to have nice things, I look at my possessions and realize, one day it all will burn. It sounds defeating but, it’s the truth. Though it should not be an ultimatum to get rid of everything I own or to neglect the possessions God entrusted to us, I feel more like it is a chance to choose between contentment or dissatisfaction.

I’m rambling and I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is the way I am, it’s how I handle things, it’s the way God made me, I will use stuff until it wears right out. I struggled with this on and off; playing events, situations and scenarios over in my head. I don’t mind being this way but I was afraid of what other people say. Whether anyone looks down on my situation or not, we know who we are, we take care of our stuff, our judge is God, and we do not have to live up to everyone’s standards, just God’s… and I don’t need the perfect house, perfect clothing, perfect garden or perfect life to do that.

This is just one subject that I have been thinking and praying about, there are a few more, but those are probably for another post.

One girl, two arms.

Slowly but surely it is sinking in that

I

                             can’t

                                                do

                                           everything

                                                                             that

                       I

                        want and need

                                               to

I can’t can, clean, and do a bunch of other things at the same time

So I have to choose and prioritize.

I have the confidence…

• I can work with a knife, and not just chop stuff.
• I can keep a house clean
• I can go grocery shopping, use coupons, compare prices and save us money
• I can navigate Midland without my heart racing BECAUSE I’M GOING TO DIE…okay, fine, I know how to get to market, Kroger and the library. And that is all I really need to know right now.
• I am less fearful of breakable glass, fragile items, heavy equipment and other stuff that can injure me, as for the fear of being vunerable, well, we’ll work on that one.
• I know that having feelings is not a bad thing.
• I have value.
• I can think for myself!
• I can fly…no…wait, not really.

Thank you for being a friend.

Thank you for being a friend, travel down the road and back again.

Your heart is true, you’re a pal and a confidant. Thank you for being a friend. 

You aren’t critical of me, you are concerned.

You’re aren’t hindered by the distance, you accept it and make a point to not loose touch.

You are content to sit under a pine tree and tell knock-knock jokes.

I love you.

Only Child.

Reflections On Being a Spiritual “Only Child”

While I was sitting in church today, Bethany, the pastor’s oldest daughter was sitting besides me. During his greeting and opening I thought of how it must be to have a father figure such as a pastor. Then I began to think about how I  had many spiritual parents and families at Fraser Road. I didn’t really have a designated family like some would. I would go family to family and spend time with all of them. The Hine’s, to the Roy’s, to the Pawlicki’s, to the Wedding’s, the Benner’s, the Christian’s, The Youth Group and so on. I found my way into the structure whether it was looking after and keeping children in check, being an “only child”, or mixing in with the others my age.

Many, many of my Sundays were spent going to the park, playing board games, playing tennis, chasing kids, playing tag, swinging, talking, having Bible study.

Even though I had a lot of these spiritual step-families I had a lot of my own “looking after” myself to do. What I wore, watched, participated in. How much I read in my Bible, my prayer life. Sometimes I was completely on my own. Having this status was a blessing and a curse.

You were free and you were your ‘own’ but you were free and you were your ‘own’.

Reflecting on this, I will pass on to my children how I appreciated the love and welcoming arms of these families, and how we should treat newcomers, new believers, and spiritual “orphans”(for lack of better words).  We should always be willing to listen, teach, correct, guide, restore, and love whenever, however to whomever we can.

Life’s not fair.

Before you say, “Grow up you dummy.” You can probably think of a few times when your life wasn’t fair.

It’s unfair how much I miss Fraser Road, the fellowship and events.

It’s unfair how four of my friends are having a baby, and the only thing I’m due for is a chiropractor appointment which I have yet to make.

It’s unfair about how my back just aches from doing the simplest things.

Okay, I’m done now.

Home-body

Today I witnessed my husband wrestling his sister’s sheep into a horse trailer. Lou is like a tank when she gets frightened. She along with some of the goats, Bill, Fanny, Tina, and nameless goats were shipped out to the back by the cow and Sawdy Saudi the horse. I tagged along and watched Aaron and Brian work, I helped pick up hay that fell from the orange dual truck, I held Sawdy’s Saudi’s bridle (until a pulled and pushed his head hard enough I let go) as Brian and Aaron went over him with brushes, I got a little scared of Aaron’s cow walking towards me (would you want an animal that big that you don’t know coming towards you?) and I drove my first tractor up the lane.

I really miss Fraser Road. Every time I look a pictures on someone’s Facebook I feel like I am missing out on something. It wasn’t until a little under a year ago I was in the mix of everyone there and then I began dressing differently, some started treating me differently too. But only some. Others treat me as if I were just the same as I was, and that is very nice. It almost seems unfair that when I go back I feel like a visitor or something, there are new faces I don’t recognize. There are times when I feel isolated. It’s hard moving away from “home”

20 years young.

Some of what I have learned thus far, smirk if you will, but I learn more and more.

Don’t lean on others even those closest to you. People let you down, God never will. Rest in that assurance.

Don’t compromise. Ever.

Stick to your God-given convictions.

Stay in God’s Word, and remain in prayer, don’t miss what He is trying to teach you.

Do not mistake the will of many for the Will of God. Don’t let others cheat you of the blessing that is waiting for you.

Make new Friends, but keep the Old.

We used to sing that song in Girl Scouts. Unfortunately I am unable to keep some of my “old friends”.

I do not know which is more sad. The fact that an old friend is not talking to me, or the fact that it never really surprised me in the first place.  Hmm. So I guess that it another good friend from my high school years that no longer will speak to me.

Since drawing closer to God I have lost three now four of my good friends from high school, one of the first was the person who discipled me! My other acquaintances just viewed me as strange and hardly included me, only when they felt that it was okay. To those who are struggling with the same thing as me, count the cost. Before His death Jesus was also abandoned, talk to Him, He knows what you are going through.

My knowing the personality could factor in as to why I am not surprised. The ball is in their court, if they don’t want to talk to me because I have gone old-fashioned or because I dress differently then so be it. I am just sorry it had to come to this because of immaturity and ignorance towards my convictions, which is just my guess, but I might not ever know.

Just because I change certain things doesn’t mean that I can’t still be your friend.

What I do know is who my loved ones are, and they know me. My family, my Fiance, future in-laws, and church family. I can rest assured in the fact that I can call them my friend and a fellow follower in Christ. Thank you to all my loved ones.

Young.

Goodness, after these past couple years I think that my future husband is going to have to not mind being married to someone who is as soft-hearted as me. heehee

I have come to accept that I am not a thick-skinned person. And that is okay with me! I am rather transparent. I find it very hard to hide my feelings. If I am happy you can tell. If I am upset you can tell.

For some time now I have been realizing how young I actually am. In my faith and in my age. Even though I probably shouldn’t beat myself up too badly, I am glad that I am understanding that I don’t need to have the answer for everything. Or have my life planned out 100%. Or worry about it! 

I praise the Lord for bringing me through a certian area I was struggling with. We need to see ourselves through His eyes. I can be assured that He has me right where He wants me, and He has never forgotten about me!